P!NK
I’ve been thinking about this blog post for the past month! Not because I was stressed about it - I used to bang out 20 page research papers in 1 day - I can rock out a Mom Shit Monday Post last second like a mfer.
I haven’t stopped thinking about it because I told myself, my husband and you guys that I was prioritizing myself in September which turned out to be just as challenging as I had envisioned. I have been, as they say, trying to get my “pink” back and by “they” I of course mean the flamingos haha 😂
I’ve tried to stay as present and reflective as possible during this little venture so that I can share what I have discovered. So far this is what I’ve got:
1) Its fucking HARD to put yourself first as a mom. I knew it would be but at the beginning it honestly felt wrong. Every moment I took for myself was filled with thoughts about what I should be doing instead: cleaning, cooking, running errands, playing with babe, sleeping etc. It has been very hard to just breathe and take a moment.
2) I have also discovered how absolutely necessary it is to take care of yourself - mind, body, soul, spirit. Just because we are moms doesn’t mean we aren’t people anymore! I am a better mom when my own cup is full. I am more creative, more patient and less burnt out.
3) I actually had quite I bit of fun. I found a little more freedom and independence. I am rediscovering my sense of humour, my self care, my passion, my need for community, my wild side.
4) I’ve been trying to work on my inability to let go. Letting go of control, expectations, guilt, self criticism, perfectionism. These feelings and thoughts prevent me from being present and from being able to relax and take a break - it also seriously impedes my creative juices which can make work tough.
5) Speaking of guilt; what a mother fucker. First I felt guilty for taking time for myself, taking time for work, taking time to rest AND NOW I feel guilty because I like it. I love having a little more me back, I honestly missed her 🖤
6) I have also found that I have changed a lot - not in huge ways but in simple ways. The people I want to surround myself has changed, some of my relationships have changed (some for the better and some not so much), I see the world differently, I see women differently and I honestly see myself differently. I’m feeling a shift in what I want to curate for my life and my family and I am so excited to keep exploring all of these subtle changes.
7) Asking for help is quite possibly my least favourite thing in the world - I HATE it, I knew this already but in trying to prioritize myself I really had to allow myself to let others in a bit.
All in all it was a good month and I do think I have a little pink hue starting to push through but also still realize there is much more to some. I had some really wonderful days and some really hard days; and I know that will continue far beyond this first kick at the can.
I hope that if you are feeling a little lost in Motherhood, like I have been, you know you aren’t alone AND I hope that you can take a moment for yourself to remember who you were before. Both versions of you can exist - they aren’t mutually exclusive - it might be a little different than before but it can still be so incredible ✨
I’d love to hear from some of you this week to keep the convo going!
Are you finding self care hard as a Mother? Are you burnt out? How do you cope with caring for a family and yourself?